Thursday, February 28, 2013

When it's time to go

I used to say that when I died, I wanted to be cremated and to have my ashes scattered over my three favorite places: the hill at my summer camp, the banana fields of my kibbutz in Israel, and the beach at Tulemar in Costa Rica.  It sounded nice - to be able to be in my three favorite places at once for the rest of eternity.  Now it sounds like fantastical thinking - like the thoughts of someone who thought death was far off and wouldn't really happen until I was old and somehow prepared for it (are we ever really prepared?)

I have been worried lately about where my final resting place will be.  I know I want to be buried next to my Maxie.  Or maybe even directly on top of him.  My mother's parents are buried that way.  Maxie is buried at Mt. Sinai, near our home.  Both set of my grandparents are just steps away.  Obviously, that would be the ideal place - but there is no more room there.  All of the plots are sold.  They have another space in Simi Valley - I guess we could go there, but for what reason?  Nobody we know lives there.  I can't imagine we will move out there.  Being buried in the same franchise as family is not exactly the same as being buried near them.

More likely, we will have to find a new cemetery when it is time for Ted and/or I die.  Who even knows where we will be living by then?  What that means - is that whichever one of us lives longer will not only have to worry about burying the other one, we will also be responsible for exhuming Max and moving him.  The thought is beyond stressful.  I can only imagine all of the trauma that process will cause. You can understand why Ted and I each hope we are the first to go.

It's morbid, I know.  You don't want to hear about this - but these are my thoughts.  I want to try and find a place for us to be buried and figure out ahead of time what the process for moving a burial site is.  I want us to be prepared next time we have to face tragedy and/or trauma and loss.  Because the question isn't "if?", it's "when?"

2 comments:

Rebecca said...

Not morbid at all. We not only have our burial places reserved but have picked out our headstone and casket. I have a very large (32 aunts and uncles at present count) and very old family and time and time again I have watched the children have to suffer from stress as far as knowing where to bury their parents, what their final wishes are, etc. My own mom sorted this out years ago and left me detailed instructions. We've now done the same for our kids (or whoever is in charge if they are not adults). Plus, in our cemetery (which isn't a family one but is taken up by most of my family) if we didn't get our side of the hill reserved then the space would have been taken up. We just look at it as practical.

Egreeno said...

I second the idea that planning for this in advance and making your wishes known is a kindness to Mo and all your future children. And I can imagine it will bring you a sense of peace as well knowing that things are in place. The logisitcs sound very difficult and stressful to work through given the circumstance but I think your instinct to have a plan in place is very understandable and logical. There is a wonderful document that my family got from hospice that assists you in documenting your end of life wishes for your loved ones. I'll try to find the name and send you a link. I had a beautiful experience with my aunt in the final month of her life when we visited the cemetery and she showed my mom and I the plot next to her husband where she would be buried. Im sure that sounds like that couldn't be anything close to a nice time but it's a memory I will treasure forever. Sending you tons of love!