As soon as she began her sentence, I wanted to scream, "DON'T SAY IT!!!"  I knew where she was going and I wanted to beg her not to go there.  WHY must they always go there?  Instead, I stayed quiet and listened as she went exactly where I was so desperate for her not to go, "I can relate to how you feel", she said, "I recently lost my cat".  I didn't respond.  "Tiger was MY baby".  I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs, "IT ISN'T THE SAME!", but I just kept quiet.  "I'm just getting to a new stage in my grief now.  It's been six months", she explained.  Finally, I forced myself to tell her "I am sorry about your cat" and then listened as she told her tale.  I decided NOT to tell her mine.  I didn't want to help her find the similarities in our experiences.  I just don't have the energy anymore to argue about her thinking that losing her aged cat is the same as losing my 9 and a half month old baby.


Colin's Daddy said...

You have to 'love' the pet comparisons. What people do not realize is that while pets become part of the family, they are still pets. When they die (assuming you have a yard) most people get a shovel, bury the pet by some tree, wait a few months and get another pet. There is sadness, and a sense of loss, but in the end, that animal was a pet. Let someone have a child die and hand them the same shovel and point to the tree in their back yard...and say "dig"! I think that would end all pet vs child discussions forever.

Egreeno said...

I'm so sorry. As if you haven't already suffered the worst loss imaginable these types of things just make me so mad and wish more than ever there was a way to protect you from this mean world. I wish for you a life full of love and kindness and people who support and nourish you and your family. I wish I had a protective charm to keep these types of comments and unthinking people away from you!

Anonymous said...

One huge flaw in this comparison is that when we get a pet, we know we will outlive them. We anticipate spending less than 20 years with that animal. Not so with a child. I know people can experience huge trauma and sadness with the loss of a pet, but.....yeah. Not the same.

Also, I just started reading your blog, and I can't stop thinking about your sweet Max. I hope it brings a small measure of comfort to know he is remembered by so many, even complete strangers.