Ted, Maxie and I were such a happy family.  We had our routines and we each had our own way of doing things.  This morning we were talking about missing Max.  I said how much I miss walking into his room in the morning, opening the door and saying very softly, "Good Morning my baby".  I would walk over to the bedside lamp and turn on the dim setting so his little eyes could adjust.  It would take a little while, but I would pick him up and just nurse him or give him his bottle in that dim light.  Ted had a different way.  He would walk in, turn on the overhead light, and say "Good Morning Maxie!"  No time to adjust to the light.....time to be with Daddy.  I liked to cuddle with Max, rub my nose against his cheek and kiss his little face.  I liked to wrap my arms around him and hold him close.  Teddy liked to play with Max.  Tossing him up in the air, making him giggle by squeezing his thighs, being silly with his little boy.  It took us a couple of months to get the hang of parenthood, but we had it down.  We were good at it.  We loved it.  We loved being Max's parents.  Oh my lord- we loved the person that was MAX!  We loved being a Mommy and a Daddy.  We loved being a family.  The numbness and shock wear off more each day and each day this gets harder and harder.  We are fully aware now that "this is the shitty hand we've been dealt", as Ted says.  We are still a family but we are missing a most important piece.